The Taming of the Mush-shrew
by mimsygoblin
Summary: The inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom are thriving while Bowser's kingdom starves, so he kidnaps Peach to save his lands. After falling in love with her, he figures marrying her will join their kingdoms and rescue his from death. Problem is, she doesn't want to marry him or anyone! When a psychopathic plumber gets thrown into the mix, chaos ensues. SMUT WARNING.
1. Prologue

"Yer kingliness!" A distant voice called, high-pitched, yet gravelly.

He did not move.

"Yer kingliness!" Called the voice once more, much closer now.

He let slip a low grumble before rolling onto his belly, relishing the heat of the room. Considering its proximity to an active volcano, it was always rather toasty inside. He loved the heat.

A fist began beating furiously at the door. "Yer kingliness! I know yer in there. Ain't been no other place, so this gotta be it."

Bowser drew in a slow, deep breath, then half-sighed and half-snarled. "What do you want, pint-size?"

The voice called through the door. "Yer kingliness, I want ya to get yer fat, lazy ass up out of that there room is what."

Bowser huffed, indignant. Where did the pipsqueak get off talking to him like that? Grumbling under his breath, he closed his sleepy eyes and buried his face in his arms. "Go jump in the lava, short stuff."

There came a short-lived pause before, "King B, this gotta stop." There was a rummaging at the door and the clinking of metal as the lock was picked. The door swung open with a low creak, and in stepped a small robed figure wearing a white, expressionless mask.

Bowser ignored him.

Shy Guy moved towards the king and over the rubble, decay, and rotting old food. "You can't shut yerself in here forever, boss. Things is getting bad out there. You ain't been out the castle in weeks."

Bowser opened one sleepy eye, unaffected by the little creature's pleas. "What do I care? Them's all adults. Take care of themselves. I'm sleeping."

The little figure stomped furiously. Normally very calm and collected, it had had enough of this nonsense now! "B, you're getting fat. You smell like old people and garbage, which is bad enough in a hot place like this. Ya been "sleeping" fer months. Ain't nobody seen you. Thems thinking we got no ruler. Getting a lot like anarchy out there, B. No ones knows what to do. People's getting hungry cause we live around a freaking volcano. Trade agreements expired with mushroom kingdom, so we ain't got food coming in at all. What little we get comes up to let you get fatter and lazier than ever."

The large koopa king stirred, sitting up at last, "So tell the mushroom kingdom to renew the agreements. Da set thems up way long ago before he went away and left all this rot to me."

Shy Guy was unamused. The anxiousness in his voice persisted. "Listen, fatso. Your da, the Great Morthophelus Koopa, was a mean old crank, and the only reason them agreements got set up, is cause them shroomers was too scared to cross him." The little creature strolled right up the the large Koopa, thrusting a finger accusingly at him. "Guess what, lazybones? They ain't afraid anymore. They know if they don't send nothing, ain't nothing happening. You just sleep and leave us, your royal subjects, to starve in the streets. If you don't get your ass up and get food from them soon, the people gonna mutiny and put your fat, ugly, scaley head on spikes at the foot of the volcano, and mine right beside yours, your kingliness. Ain't dying fer you. Ain't dying for this rock."

Bowser sat in silence for some time. "My kids-"

Shy Guy interrupted, "Is all born a thieves 'n' whores. They ain't smart enough, or they ain't caring enough. People can spit all they want on your Da for being the evil, terrible tyrant he was, but he cared. He shore weren't about to let us starve. You...you ain't evil like your Da, but you don't care. You're a fat, stupid, no good, lazy piece of shell-less dung, and yer gonna ruin the kingdom yer family carved outta this rock thousands a years ago."

Bowser lashed out and gripped the little creature in his large hand, positioning a claw at its throat. "Nobody speaks to me like that. I ain't nothing like you say."

Shy Guy was not afraid. "Yeah? Why don't you prove it, B?"

Bowser stared a moment, eyes glistening in the firelight. Dropping the little creature, he stretched, then moved for the door. "I will."


	2. Chapter 1

The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom stood at her balcony, gazing over the landscape. The canopy over it kept her dry as rain pelted down, thick and heavy. It had been a somewhat dry spring thus far, making it a welcome addition. Despite the rain, it was fairly warm.

As it had been for some time, things were quiet and peaceful. The people were happy and had plenty. The lands were lush and green. There were few troubles, and even those were in the form of minor disagreements that Toadsworth was well capable of settling without her.

In short, it was completely boring.

The princess filled her time with reading, practicing swordplay, painting, studying new and better ways to do things...but it was all to pass time. She took none of it seriously, as there was never a true need for it. So much peace. So much harmony. What was an adventurous young woman to do?

And that was the trouble. She was never allowed anywhere. Always responsible to her people. Always stuck to be the symbol of hope and happiness and consistency. While no one told her to stay, her sense of responsibility demanded it. Yet...she almost resented her kingdom for keeping her in that tower. Trapped.

Stepping away from the window, she left her quarters to pursue the great hall. Perhaps she would hear the public to pass the time. After all, Toadsworth surely needed a break. He'd been at it all morning, and he was getting on in years.

As she entered the hall, whispering voices fell silent. A squealing mushroom boy announced her arrival. "The Princess of the Mushroom Kingdoms, renowned world beauty, woman of sharp intellect, innovative inventor, skilled of sword and pai-"

Peach cut him off, forcing a cheerful smile. "I do believe they get the idea. Thank you very much, Toadster."

The little mushroom boy blushed. "Yes, ma'am."

She ascended the throne near where Toadsworth was standing. An old couple knelt before him. They had clearly been in the middle of an audience with the old one.

"Toadsworth, you've been working all morning. It would please me greatly if you would take your leave and relax a bit. Maybe have some lunch," she settled in her seat, forcing warmth into her demeanor.

The old toad bowed, "Very well. Thank you, your grace."

Once he had departed, she addressed the old couple. "I shall hear you today. Please, let me know your trouble."

The old woman patted her husband's hand, then spoke softly, "My dearest husband has been the faithful servant of the king, may he recover from his illness soon, for many years. Yet he is now old, as am I. We have a hard time getting around anymore, and soon he will be unable to see as his sight is failing. We have no children to help us. If we could-"

The princess cut the old woman off. "I do understand your dilemma. Just yesterday, there was a boy in here who had lost his parents to a storm at sea. He has been staying here until we determined what to do with him. We shall send him into your care. You will love him and give him a good home, and he will help you in your ailing years. When you depart this world, he shall be your heir as though he were your son."

The old woman clung to the arm of the old man, eyes tearing in gratitude. "Thank you, your highness. We are so very grateful. May you-"

The princess cut her off again. "Yes, of course. Please, let us know in several months if this arrangement has worked out. Best of luck!"

This was boring. Always the same things: I'm old, I'm poor, I'm tired, I'm sick... She just wanted to be done with it all.

The old couple was ushered out. Others came and went.

...

Finally, late that afternoon, there were no more audiences to be had and the princess retired to her chambers. She was drawn a bath, then changed into a comfortable pair of trousers, boots, and a long tunic with cropped sleeves. Common-looking, but comfortable.

Again, she found herself on the balcony, staring out into the rain. There was a measure of comfort in it. Daydreams found her easily here, of adventures and daring, of a life beyond the walls of the castle and not being mired in responsibility.

"If I could just leave this place...just for a bit. It's so endlessly...dull..." The princess found her eyelids getting quite heavy. "...I could...just..." Something smelled strange. Looking down, she saw something smoking at her feet. She would have examined it, but sleep claimed her.

A figure loomed over her as she crumpled to the floor. "Wish granted!"


	3. Chapter 2

Consciousness trickled in like a small stream feeding a lake. First there were sounds, muffled and distant, echoed off stone. They were largely indiscernible at their distance, but certainly foreign. As scents registered, it seemed reminiscent of a cave, yet like burning wood and the slightest sting of sulphur. It was very warm, almost tropical. Everything foreign, strange, and out of place.

Jarring fully awake, she sat up initially to only the dim light of a fireplace casting dark and unfamiliar shadows across the room. It was but a moment before flames sparked and leapt from the fireplace to find new homes on sconces, flaring rows of candles across the walls alight. Warm light bathed the room, giving form where darkness stood.

She was in a large canopied bed in an even larger room. The fireplace was well distanced from the foot of the bed, a stone chair set near it. Then, common bedroom furniture carved of rock dotted the walls, such as a wardrobe, a vanity and a nightstand. Additionally, it held a writing desk in the corner. Two doors led from the room.

Her own hand seized her shirt, gripping the fabric and tugging on it to visually examine it. Still the same clothes she had been wearing. Nothing out of place. She didn't...feel different. There came a brief reprieve of relief before she flung back the blankets and jumped from the bed. A bit of sweat gathered at her brow as fear and heat mingled.

"Where in the fungal fuck am I?!" She hissed, fear ebbing as anger stepped in and offered a healthy helping of boldness. Storming towards the door ahead of her, she flung it open, prepared to lunge at someone and fight her way out.

Except there was nothing to fight behind it save a bathroom. As a bathtub didn't appear particularly menacing, she shut the door.

Turning, she stormed to the other door, now certainly prepared to fight...

...an empty hall?

Standing in the doorway, she lost the heat of anger to confusion. Was this all some kind of elaborate joke?

The hall looked just like the room: carved in stone, barren of any decor, and lit by fire. Torch sconces lined down each wall lit the way quite well.

Stepping out, she looked left and right to find more expanse of hallway. Grabbing a torch out of a sconce, she decided to try going straight. At the end, she found a hall in either direction leading to dead ends, but several more doors. Turning back, she took a right in front of her original room to find stairs leading upwards.

"Well, shit. Do I need to go up, or do I need to go down?" She mused, attempting to peer up the spiral steps.

"Um, excuse me," spoke a small, nasally voice.

Whirling about, she looked down to find a...hovering tray of bread and soup?

"We thought you might be hungry, Princess, so we-"

She stooped down, and lifted the tray with her free hand. Beneath it was a small, turtle-like creature. It started to stand on its hind legs as the weight lifted. "Oh, thank you. That tray was heavy, and it hurts my back to walk like-"

The princess stomped a foot down on its back, pinning it in place. It gave out a little shriek, not unlike a little girl. Sucking itself inside its shell, it whimpered and trembled.

"Where am I, you scaley little shit?!" She demanded.

"K-k-koopa Keep! B-bower's Keep! Oh, oh...I...I think I soiled myself," the little creature stammered, a small puddle forming beneath him.

Peach lifted her foot in disgust. "Ugh. Bowser? That big, ugly freak? Why am I here? What does that stupid oaf want with me?"

The little koopa remained tucked in his shell. "P-please don't kill me."

The princess looked down at the trembling little creature. On one hand, she wanted to shove her foot so far up the Koopa King's ass he'd choke on her kneecap. On the other...she felt a little bad for terrorizing the little koopa who...had a sore back and had brought her food. And was begging for his life. And smelled like urine now.

Sighing, she forced herself to calm slightly. "Look, I'm not going to kill you. Can you show me the way out of here?"

The little creature did not come out or stop trembling. "B-but Bowser would k-kill me!"

Peach raged, "If you don't, then I sure as fungus might!" Then, soothing herself, added, "I just want out, okay? I promise not to hurt you. Look, what if you came home with me? Then nobody gets hurt, and we all are happy."

The little koopa stuck head head out a bit. "You promise?"

"Yes," she nodded emphatically. "Princesses can do what they want."

He looked over at the tray that had been set aside. "A-and is there f-food?"

The princess lofted a brow. "Well, yeah. Tons of it. Are you hungry?"

The koopa squeaked, "Oh, yes! We all are. We're all starving. That's why Bowser kidnapped you, I'm sure. Food is...scarce around here. Active volcano, and all. Vegetation around the outside, but not enough meat, and that's what we eat. Veggies for too long and...and we g-get sick."

The princess felt a pain in her chest as anger now wrestled with sympathy. "For toad's sake. Why didn't he just ask for it?"

The koopa opened his mouth to talk, but was cut off by a deep, gravelly, booming voice. "Cause I don't ask. I _take_ what I want!"

Whirling around, the princess found the King Koopa himself at the foot of the stairs behind her. The little koopa shrieked and retreated into his shell.

The princess didn't respond in words. Whatever sympathy she'd felt a moment ago vanished. Without a word or a sound, she grit her teeth and swung the torch upwards hard, bashing Bowser _hard_ in his muzzle. Blood splattered on the floor as he raised his claws to his now busted lip.

"Ow! What the shell?" He glared furiously at her. Raising his claws, he advanced. "You little-"

Raising the torch, she let loose several whacks across the backs of his hands and a stomp on his feet. Roaring and crying out, he backed up. "S-stop it, you evil shroom devil!"

Princess Peach grit her teeth in a mad grin. "No."

She swung again, but he had now learned she was so much faster than he, and had begun backing up. "Look, I want to talk! Can't we just-"

Peach swung again. "Maybe you should have thought about that before kidnapping someone, you koopa asshole!"

Bowser felt back onto the stairs. "I'm trying not to hurt you, here!"

Peach gave him a solid whack across his kneecap. "I'm not!"

Standing, he turned his shell on her, giving her nothing but spike carapace to swing at. She whacked away at it furiously, fueled by rage.

"Fuck's sake, you're a harpy!" He hissed. "I'm going to spell out your situation, lady. You're in my Keep, surrounded by my army, surrounded by my volcano, and I am three times your size, covered in spikes, and losing my patience. You ain't getting home til I say. We can play this nice, and I can be nice. Keep this shit up, and we'll play this the hard way, and you get locked in a cage. I had my guards back off because I'd thought you'd be more...not a wild dog."

Peach listened, but barely. She continued whacking futilely at his shell until she tired herself out, her whacks getting weaker by the swing. Eventually, she stepped back, out of breath. Maintaining a death grip on the torch, she hissed. "Big, fat, stupid cow. This is a shitty way to feed your people."

Bowser huffed indignantly. "I'm not doing this just for that. I'm taking your whole damn kingdom. You're here to make sure your father surrenders it without a fight."

Peach, still out of breath, was now having her rage refueled. "My father won't sacrifice an entire kingdom for one person!"

Bowser turned to look at her, "Well, that's a stupid way to look at it. The kingdom won't be sacrificed, and it would be pretty legit if you...uh..."

The princess grit her teeth. "If I _what_ , shellbrain?"

King Koopa hissed, "If you...er...married me?"

The princess stared at him flatly. After a moment of stunned silence, she fumed so hard, her face turned bright red. "Y-y-you..."

Bowser wrung his hands, looking down at them, large brows furrowed. "I thought maybe if I kidnapped you, we could talk, and maybe you...you would go on a date with me."

Peach's eyes looked as though they would explode from her skull. Face red, muscles tensed, she couldn't even find words, she was so enraged.

"Okay. We maybe got off to a bad start. I'm even willing to overlook my lip. And knee. And knuckles."

Peach lifted a hand to rub her temple in slow, circular motions. What a goddamned headache. "Bowser, NO. I'm going home. Get out of my way."

The great reptilian dictator scowled. "But...but I'm being nice! What the hell?"

"Nice!? You kidnapped me. You are coercing my father into having me marry you and you aren't even trying to give me a choice. Not to mention, being nice because you expect everyone to give you want you want isn't being nice. One last time, Bowser. Get out of my way."

He crossed his large, scaley arms over his chest, sulking like a boy. "You aren't giving me a chance. And that's fine. But I'm going to get what I want and you can rot up here until you're ready to concede!" he hissed, flamed licking his lips.

Peach bowed curtly, then spun about. "Very well. But know that you have incurred my wrath, and I shall seek my vengeance. Have a pleasant evening, sulfer breathe."

Bowser skulked in the hallway for a moment as she retreated back to her provided room, certain that this brazen, fiery bitch was nothing like he'd anticipated from someone raised in a cushy palace. If he hadn't needed her acquiescence so badly, he might have admired her.


	4. Chapter 3

Bowser raged. Storming back and forth, he kicked at the clutter in is private lair. He overturned a table. He rammed his head against the wall twice. He clenched his fists to spite his bruised knuckles.

The bruises and torn lip, oddly enough, had stirred up even more admiration in his heart for her. It, in turn, fueled more anger over the vehement rejection.

When he had first laid eyes on her to kidnap her, how he had desired her. So beautiful and graceful. As he cradled her unconscious body in his arms, he had imagined how delicate and refined she must be. How easy it would be to control a princess. Princesses were supposed to be...well, tame. Sophisticated. He anticipated her being a little disgusted, but to find she was a brawler at heart...

He had swooned with admiration when she had busted his lip. Her fury was his desire, and as he had turned he had felt stirring in his loins.

Yet when she so cruelly rejected him...

He had originally planned to let her go if she had rejected him. He just thought he could win her over, and make everything easy. Now it wasn't. Now it was going to be war

The large koopa had no idea what to do with her now. He couldn't just send her away. He had never felt so strongly about anyone, never desired them so. Yet...he couldn't take what he wanted from her, loved being in control. But that...was a sacred, uncrossable threshold only his sadistic father could cross. He was _not_ his father.

As terrible as the old koopa had been, he didn't have it all wrong. Nice didn't get you anywhere. Power got you most things. The downfall of the old man proved that it did not, however, get you everything.

Mainly, Bowser just didn't want to be told what to do. By anyone.

He continued raging, brainstorming, trying to think of anything to repair things with the girl.

Days passed. At least, Peach thought days had passed. Food was slipped into her room through a slot at the bottom of the door. No one was seen or heard. There was no way out of the room. She hadn't even bathed for fear someone would come while she was naked.

She plotted while she waited. What she could do if someone did come, did open the door. How she would find her way out.

She even contemplated pretending to date that disgusting oaf just for the chance to escape.

Then, she wondered if war had started. If anyone had died. If the Mushroom Kingdom could even win, given the years of complacency. If her entire kingdom would fall...and she was being selfish. What if she sacrificed herself for the kingdom? Would things be peaceful that way? Was he lying about everything?

A week felt like an eternity, and it was a week later that she heard from him again.

A voice outside the door and a knock. "Hey, princess. Maybe we could talk again."

Peach sat on the bed, legs folded against her chest, arms around them. "I don't have anything to say to you."

Bowser entreated through the door. "I...FINE."

After a moment of silence, she called out, "Wait."

Nothing. She moved to the door, and banged on it. "Wait, Bowser!"

"...what," he huffed, sounding a bit distanced from the door.

"I...have you started? The war. Have you attacked?"

The koopa was silent a moment, before huffing. "No. Not exactly. What, so you wanna talk now?"

Peach sat against the door, leaning against it to make sure it stayed closed. "Maybe. Maybe a little. Through the door."

Bowser fumed, "That's stupid! If you want to talk, I can open the damn door."

"No!" She hissed, bracing herself against it. "We're talking through the door. I don't trust you."

The King Koopa fumed silently a moment, then, through clenched teeth, "Fuck, it's a start."

A noise at the other side of the door came like slides and scrapes, suggested he was sitting against the door like her. "You're worried about your kingdom, huh?" He started. "Fine. I sent out some raiding parties to steal supplies from border towns. Sneaky little guys, so shouldn't be nobody getting hurt. No invasions yet."

Peach sighed in relief. "That's good, I guess. Why haven't you invaded yet?"

"Well...you, I guess. I was hoping you'd give me a shot if you had some time to think about it."

The princess clenched her fists and her teeth. "The answer is still no."

Bowser was silent a moment.

She added. "Look, it just isn't inspiring to be wanted for my kingdom. I figure the kingdom is probably fungally fucked either way, and you're probably lying."

Bowser was silent another moment, before saying quietly. "It...it's not just for your kingdom. I mean, it was. Not...not now, though."

Peach touched the hard stone of the door. "What is it now, then? Something change?"

Bowser huffed, "Look, I'm not good at this emotional crap, okay? I'm trying to say that I like you."

"Well," she stared, agitated, "that doesn't change my answer anyway."

She heard cursing, and the sounds of the koopa standing, pacing. "This was a waste of time. Ain't worth trying..."

"You don't actually give a flying spore about me, Bowser," she shouted through the door. "Or maybe you'd care how I feel, or what I want. You don't care about me actually wanting this, because obviously a coerced 'yes' good enough for you. Cause even if I say yes, you wouldn't know if it was because I wanted it, or because I felt obligated to save my kingdom. So don't you tell me you fucking like me, because it doesn't mean rot to me!"

"Fuck!" He cried, banging his head against the wall, the noise startling the princess. "I know that! I...fuck!" Storming back and forth, raging, he cursed. "So what do I do, huh? If I let you go, you're gone. You're gone, I don't even get a chance, and my people starve. What kind of fucking option is that!?"

Peach spat, "Well, keeping me in solitary confinement is a shitty option, too."

"I...yeah. Probably. I could let you out, though. I...don't have to keep you in the room. Just gotta keep you in the Keep."

"If I have to stay here, that's preferable. But only so long as you know this isn't getting you anywhere with me. I'm not letting you do this because you expect me to do something in return."

"Fine. But just remember that my people are starving, so if I lose you, then all I got left is war."

"Fine."

With a few tapping sounds, Peach stood and backed up from the door. It slowly swung open. Bowser was turning to leave.

"Wait!" Peach called after him.

He turned around, irritated. "What?"

Stepping out of the room, she examined his face carefully. Her gaze trailed down to his knuckles, then knees. No visible bruising, but it was hard to tell under the scales. His lip, however, had not yet healed, and was still stabbed over. "Ha. I got you good."

Bowser tensed, growling as he touched his lip. "Fuck, you hit hard for a princess."

Laughing cruelly, she went back into the room. "You whine a lot for a koopa king. Now if I'm going to be around people. I'm taking a bath. And if you so much as try anything, I'll-"

The King Koopa raged, "I wouldn't try anything like that! What kind of-"

The princess stopped, turning around, "Oh, like assuming its a big stretch from that to kidnapping!"

"I wouldn't! Not...not that! You couldn't stop me if I wanted to-"

"No. No, see that? That comment, right there? You stuff that back in your craw if you know what's good for you. See, I was almost starting to think you aren't completely terrible, then you say shit like that. You haven't been _nice_ yet, Koopa. That's not how you be nice."

Bowser raged, "Don't tell me I haven't been-"

Peach shouted right back, cutting him off. "You haven't! You're so far from being nice that you think not being a terrible shit bag is nice by comparison!"

He raised his hands, opening his mouth, then shut it. Growling furiously, he stormed off down the hall.

As he left, Peach stared after him.


	5. Chapter 4

_Click-click-click._

Embers burned in his eyes, fixated on the unassuming scrap of paper on the table.

 _Click-click-click._

Should he be enraged, or should he laugh? Truthfully, a little of both.

 _Click-click...SLAM._

The clicking of his claws drumming on the table was silenced as he brought his fist down upon it, a sound that startled the masked minion before him. Shy Guy flinched, lifting a gloved hand to itch under his mask.

Incensed, incredulous, Bowser snatched up the paper once more.

 _Mr. Bowser,_

 _We know you have our princess. Please give her back, or we will be forced to send our best man after her. She would not want us to give in to your demands._

 _Pretty please give her back._

 _King Toadstool_

Thick fingers curled into a fist, crumpling the paper in them. "Best man!?" he huffed. "What are they going to do, shake spores on me?" Puffing smoke from his flared nostrils, he shook with a throaty, growling laugh. "Best man. Bwaha. They got some guts sending me this shit."

Shy Guy inclined his head, the empty eyes of the mask boring into his fearless leader. "Theys gots ta be joking, B. Ain't nobody I hearda like that. Pretty ballsy ta send this, if yer askin' me."

Bowser snorted, "Well I ain't asked ya."

The little cloaked creature gestured, overlong sleeves swaying. "I ain't tellin' ya yer business, yer Kingliness. I just sayin'."

The large Koopa sighed a fiery breath over the crumpled paper in his hand. It caught, and was soon nothing more than ashes in his grasp. Much like his kingdom if he didn't see all this through. He was committed to the path he walked, it's destination entirely dependant on the irksome woman he'd stolen away.

"Well what're you standin' starin' like a moron for? Get out there an' spy on this fuckin' guy," he swatted at his minion, who, accustomed to such violence, artfully dodged with a quick hop backward.

"'Bout time you's takin' action onnit, B. Da Guy's back in business!" Cheering, the little robed creature twirled, then danced out humming a merry tune.

This was just in time to pass a rather furious blonde who was just then storming into Bowser's chambers. Lips curled in a silent snarl, she was all fury and fire, threatening hellfire and brimstone in her glare.

Bowser's lip twitched momentarily, suppressing the urge to smile. Like a force of nature, she was beautiful when she was angry. The feeling soured quickly when he realized she was likely here to _say_ something, and he didn't always much care for the venom that dripped from the harpy's mouth when she sought him out.

"Well don't you look like someone pissed in your breakfast," he murmured, standing from where he had been sitting at the table, drawing himself to his rather impressive height to bring himself looking down at her, the blonde just barely coming to his shoulder in height.

"Someone _did_ , in a matter of speaking. What is this I hear you received a message from my kingdom, but didn't even bother to _tell_ me?" she thrust a finger in his face aggressively, jabbing its slender tip into his chin.

"Keep your finger there if you want it bitten off. Yer just as pretty with nine fingers to me," he snarled an awkward...threat? Compliment? His torn feelings about her were making him stupid, in his opinion.

Disgusted at the idea any part of his mouth should touch her, she clenched her fists at her sides. "I demand to see it."

"Yeah, well tough shit. It's gone."

"What do you _mean_ it's gone?"

"I burned the damn thing cause it pissed me off," he snorted. "Yer awful demandin' fer a hostage."

Those blue eyes widened with icy fury, and she howled out a single cry of frustration. "Y-you...UGH. Considering that those messages are my business, you shouldn't be burning anything until you've shown it to me! And if you're really sweet on me like you say you are, then _don't call me a hostage!"_ she reached to the side and back-handed him across the face with a loud SLAP.

Snarling, he raised a fist to retaliate, then hesitated, curled claws trembling in his rage mid-air. Opening his hand, he bared sharp teeth at her, gritting through them. "I ain't fightin' about this. I ain't tryin' to hit ya."

Peach sneered at him, "Well, aren't you sweet. What did the note say, shell-brain?"

This woman. Was going. To drive. Him. Insane. _But why did it turn him on so much?_ Maybe his da was right. Maybe he wasn't right in the head.

"Ain't nothin' much ta tell," he still spoke through grit teeth, doing his best to reel in his temper. "Just some bullshit about sendin' a man after ya. Best man, it said. Like you shroomers got anyone worth a damn."

"Wh-what?" her face contorted into an emotion he found difficult to read, something between complete disgust and abject horror.

He was admittedly taken a little aback by her reaction, having not seen a scrap of fear in her before. The look didn't suit her. Something about the wisps of her hair, the curl of her lips, the mean right hook, it stirred him. Fear? It made her seem small and young, and it made him _feel_ awkward.

"You idiot," her brows knit into a dark scowl, eyes downcast. "You blundering idiot."

Bowser spat, "I ain't takin' that-"

"Not _you_ , shell-brain!" A little spark returned. Yeah. He liked that. "My father. My father is an idiot! I know exactly who he's sending. Bowser, you've got to let me go before this gets out of hand."

She used his name. He couldn't quite tell if that was progress or if she was so concerned that she was pleaing in earnest now. "I ain't afraid of no mushroom pipsqueak, Princess."

A knowing, yet withering look was cast at him. "He'll change your mind. I promise."

Twitching with incipient rage, he huffed a cloud of smoke over her face. The smaller woman did not move or flinch, but rather seemed disgusted with him. "He better not be a lover of your-"

SLAP. Peach snarled in fury, wild in her rage. "You really _are_ an idiot. They're sending the plumber."

The steam was taken from his anger at the slap by the following comment. "The what."

"The plumber."

Bowser twitched. Once, then again. Then his lips curled back into a toothy grin. Suddenly, he erupted with laughter, doubling over as pain split his side for his effort. Tears came to his eyes, which he fitfully brushed away with a clawed finger.

"Yer pullin' my leg! They're sending a plumber? A _plumber?_ " He slapped his knee. "Shy Guy's gonna shit himself when he sees he's out to spy on a plumber!"

Peach pinched his cheeks _hard_ between her fingers, pulling downwards, inciting a howl from the large Koopa. "This is serious, you idiot! He's a complete psychopath! Do you think I'd be scared of some schmuck that was _just_ a plumber?"

Bowser peered up at her, trapped under her grasp. "That mean yer worried about me?"

With a deadpan, unamused look, she released his face. "No."

Pressing further, driven by a glimmer of hope, he stayed slightly hunched to keep her at eye level. "Then why so concerned? He ain't gonna hurt you."

She smiles, a bitter and insincere expression, tone laced with sarcasm. "You're right. Nothing to worry my pretty head over, is it? I just love fawning over you, Bow-wow."

With an injured sniff, he rubbed at his sore cheeks. How did such a tiny woman manage such strength? That had actually stung a bit. "Ain't gotta be like that about it."

In a mocking, patronizing voice, she continued, "Oh, but it does. You clearly can't think beyond your cock, so I'll spell it out nicely for you. As gorgeous as I clearly am, you ought to unwedge your dirty. Scaley. Mind. Out. Of. My. Ass." Venom began lacing itself into her words, fury marring her beautiful face once more. Her finger jabbed at his forehead, bowed as he was to meet her eye level. He blinked at each jab, lips curling farther into a snarl with each aggressive thrust of her dainty digit. "And start to _maybe_ consider that you've got a homicidal maniac on his way over who is going to _violently murder_ his way through your ranks until he finds you. Then, he'll likely cast me over his shoulder like a barbarian and cart me home like some filthy cave mongrel dragging his bitch back to his den. You know I dislike being touched."

He slapped her hand away with an audible smack, something that made her draw in a sharp little gasp, momentarily catching her off guard. The sound stole his breath along with his fury, and he couldn't help but imagine her breath hitching just so as he buried his face between her creamy thighs. "Well, I ain't scared of some twerp. My boys're as tough as any. I can save ya from being pawed at by the big bad man."

Lofting a brow, arms folding sourly, she hissed. "Yes, save me, o noble king. Your kindness is _legend_."

"Harpy," he growled. "So you gonna stand there and sass all day, or what?"

"I want reports."

Unamused, he bared his sharp teeth. "Why should I? You ain't said a kind word to me yet."

Stomping her foot, face flushing scarlet, she shouted, " _YOU KIDNAPPED ME."_

Examining his claws, he turned up his nose. Finally, she wanted something from him. That meant he finally had a little power in their exchange. "Ain't treatin' you very prisonerly though, am I? Seems like you got plenty freedom here to me."

The fury that fixated on him did not phase him. He had begun growing accustomed to her tantrums, and even much of the abuse she inflicted on him. She'd been there nearly a month now, after all. It was baffling, to desire her so much that he would tolerate such behavior, for if anyone else tried a fraction of what she got away with, he'd likely spit-roast them alive. Especially with that finger-jabbing she was so fond of.

And why the hell did he _like_ it so much?

Eventually, her fury gave way into something...dark. Thought and emotion played over her face as she clearly measured and calculated now. Intelligent as she was, she was aware her abuse was losing the desired effect. It was time to change strategy and she knew it.

Setting gentle hands on his arm, she peered at him from under her long, pale lashes, "You're right. I haven't been very nice, have I?"

Warning flashed across his mind. This was a trap. Abort mission. Repeat, abort mission.

The way she leaned forward, breasts lifted between elbows, sun-golden bangs falling over her face...he audibly swallowed. He could feel her weight upon him, eyes hungrily washing over her slender neck, down to her collarbone, and lower still. Heat nipped at his cheeks, shortening his breath and making his heart pound. He knew what she was doing. He knew, but the clever little harpy knew it was working.

"I-I…" he stuttered, afraid to answer incorrectly and drive her back into fury. The sword of Damocles hung over his head, and she was the one dangling it in her dainty grasp. As quick as she had given him a shred of power, she knew precisely how to snatch it back.

A small voice in the back of his mind hated it. _Slack-jawed idiot_ it said. _Since when does some prissy little royal cunt put me on my knees? I am the King of the Koopas. Ain't some bitch's puppet!_

The voice was snuffed out by something husky and primal, whispering, yet somehow louder than any other, _Anything. I'll give her anything._

"I can be very nice, when I want to," she purred, small hands dancing attention up his arm, fingertips brushing at his collarbone. "And if you are very nice to me, it helps me stay nice. And isn't that nice for everyone?"

Clearing his throat, he was frozen in place. Oh, he wanted to sling an arm around her and cart her over to his bed, toss her down, and stake claim with his teeth across her creamy thighs. But this wasn't sincere. This was a game, he found himself maneuvered like a pawn, and he was damn well going to let it happen in the hope it could lead them on some kind of forward progress.

The bitch was good.

"I'll...share the reports," he grumbled, low and throaty, wisps of smoke curling like snakes from his nostrils.

Patting his face rather roughly, her act dropped immediately. "Good boy."


	6. Chapter 5

If she were being entirely honest, she was somehow managing, in these two months, to have a lovely vacation from her kingdom. She had no responsibility here. In general, the citizens here were also a little more intelligent, and it was a blessing not to have to guide everyone from their own stupidity all the time.

With sitting up from her reclined chair on the balcony, she lazily raised a hand and snapped.

A small, scaled creature refilled her glass.

They did not have much in the way of food or water here, but by golly, they had alcohol. Good, strong stuff to boot. Since discovering this a week prior, she'd maintained a fairly constant buzz. Perhaps that was why her mood had so improved? Hard to tell.

At times, it was no more stimulating than the Mushroom Kingdom, but in those moments where her boredom threatened to smother her, she had a large, scaled, shelled toy to play with. As time wore on, she learned how easily she could twist the big oaf around her delicate little finger, tugging his little marionette strings when it suited her. What's more, the fool seemed to _like_ it.

He didn't bore her. She'd give him that. Perhaps that was why the thought of the plumber concerned her so: she did not want her amusing diversion slaughtered. That, and the mongrel was coming to collect her. It would be unpleasant, to say the least. And the odor…

Upturning her nose at the thought, she mused on it. If King Stupid would just let her go home, this could all be resolved without death. Why, if they agreed to trade their lovely booze for supplies, they'd have quite the amicable relationship. Of course, the big idiot couldn't be dissuaded from pursuing her.

Once every few days he'd stop by and check in. He would say something completely crude, she would correct him, and then they'd bicker and argue until she pushed the right buttons to fluster him into a hasty retreat. It became somewhat of a game to her. How quickly could she fluster fathead?

Marry him. The very notion still seemed ridiculous. Even if she didn't have any other promising suitors. Why did she need any? She was fairly resolved not to marry at all.

And would be especially after their next chat.

"Harpy, you in here?" Such a charming pet name he'd given her. A poet, that one. What a wonder she hadn't been charmed to fits.

Without opening her eyes, or moving at all, she heaved an exasperated sigh. "I would love to have another spat with you soon, but can you not see me trying to meditate over here?"

Yellow, skeptical eyes fixed their dubious gaze on her reclined form, clearly annoyed by her attitude. "Meditate? Garbage. Why do that?"

She shook her head lazily, gesturing at the door for him to leave.

"Wait. I got somethin' you wanna hear. Sat on it for a bit, cause it pissed me off," he was suddenly very dark and serious, a rumbling in his tone so low that it gave her pause. After spending so much time with him, she'd begun to learn the strange, involuntary noises he made. Most of the time, the rumbling growls were hot frustration and quick temper. This, however, this was something quite dire.

Thoroughly annoyed at his timing, she reluctantly sat up. After a long sip of her beverage, she glanced sideways at him. "Well, spit it out, moron."

Scaled fists trembled in anger, clenched tightly around a scroll of paper half-crumbled in his hand. "Peach, you're engaged."

The elaboration of the eyeroll she gave him was so intense it made her head pound. "How many times do I have to tell you-"

"No," he snarled. "Not to me."

 _That_ got her attention. "What."

He dropped the scroll in her lap so she might see for herself. Hastily unrolling the thing, she read:

 _Savior Mario,_

 _Thank you so much for undertaking this dangerous mission. We have not appreciated your services fully in the past, but that changes today. By the authority vested in me as sovereign of this nation, you will have my daughter's hand in marriage to reward your brave deeds._

 _May the Gods have mercy on Koopa souls._

 _The Mushroom King_

"Where did you get this!?" she demanded.

"Guy snatched it from your plumber, right before he slaughtered an entire village," Bowser murmured, studying her reactions.

She shrieked and howled out her anger like a banshee, reading and re-reading the scroll as she paced. Eventually, she tore it to pieces and stomped on its remains for good measure. "Never! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER…"

The large Koopa knew very well how her temper played out, and thus he took a cautionary step back to stay out of her warpath.

"Bowser," she snarled, whirling on him. "Come here. I need to hit something."

His upper lip curled, eyeing her like she'd gone stark raving mad. "What? No."

Stalking him like a jaguar around its prey, she paced a half-circle in front of him. "Bowser."

Tail thrashing, he stepped backward once more. "Fuck off, you hellcat. I ain't a sack for you to slug at when it suits ya! And I'm tired of getting beat on."

"Then hit. Back," she snarled, launching herself at him. She was fast, and he caught a quick sock to the lip before he knew what had happened.

Reeling back, he spun around to put his shell between them. "Yer insane!" he hissed between sharp teeth. "I don't want to hit ya! I'm damn big, and I could hurt ya!"

Kicking repeatedly at his shell, howling with each strike, she shrieked, "Prove it! Hit me! Hit me you big, stupid ogre!" When she saw she was getting nowhere with his shell, she peered down at the tip of his tail peaking out from behind the shell and touching the ground. With the full force of her heel, she stomped on it.

Tails were sensitive, she would find. Bowser roared out in pain, his eyes watering as fire shot up his spine from where she'd stomped. Whirling around, eyes full of wild and unfocused fury, he was lashing out his fist in mindless reflex before he could think. He struck a blow to her side, somewhat blocked by a curled arm that had anticipated his movement, sending her flying sideways and into the chair she'd been reclining in, breaking the thing.

His eyes widened as he lifted open-palmed claws in horror, guilty for what he'd just done. He opened his mouth to apologize, but he was silenced by a noise he did not anticipate.

She...laughed. Lying on the ground, she laughed. It held no mirth or true humor, but a coldness and emptiness that made him shudder. Slowly, she pushed herself up, eye rapidly swelling, nose bleeding, lip busted and trickling blood. Delicate fingers touched her lip, examining the blood now upon them, still laughing. Her laughter turned to groaning as she climbed back to her feet, a wicked grin on her face.

Something about the pain was purifying. It cleansed her, finally sated what her anger demanded. Of course, it bloody hurt. But she found that she liked it.

And she wasn't the only one. At her...odd reaction to his blow, she saw the Koopa King was standing perfectly erect behind the shred of cloth over his groin, even as the fool's maw gaped in dumbfounded confusion.

Bowser was stunned. It had been a decent blow, and she'd laughed it off and gotten right back up, the tough bitch. He hunched forward slightly, hands fisting in the cloth over his groin as he tried to cover it up. He was painfully hard at the display, a confused scowl on his face.

The Princess strode over to him calmly, then socked him in the other side of his jaw. He was too focused on covering himself to defend the blow, and took the full hit to the face.

Incredulous, he snarled a mad half-grin, then charged at her, tackling her to the ground. His hand kept the back of her head from slamming into the stone floor, but the wind was knocked from her, causing her to gasp for air.

He lifted himself up onto his hands and knees over her, not wanting to crush her while she choked air back into her lungs. His large chest heaved with labored breath, glaring with fierce longing at the gasping, damaged beauty below him. He indulged in his admiration as he waited for her to catch her breath, eyes flitting from the pout of her swollen lips to her heaving breasts.

When she stilled, breath catching up to her, she would lay panting beneath him and staring up at him with a darkly humorous look on her face, one eye lidded more than the other from the swelling.

The hulking creature above her was becoming twined more tightly around her fingers by the day, yielding control to her in a way she was beginning to crave. With one of the most important decisions of her life now taken away from her, she found comfort in that control and fury in the things spinning out of her control. How dare she be promised off to some maniac like a prized cow!? Those sniveling, cowardly fools! Could they not manage a damn thing without their precious, pretty princess? A doll trapped in a tower was not for her. Let her eye swell. Let her lip bleed. That was hers. The pain in her side from his blow, that was hers.

She stared in mad fury at the oaf above her. It was all his fault in the first place! If he hadn't kidnapped her, then it wouldn't have come to this! Even as she raged at him through her glare, a different sort of rage was stewing. A rebellion was brewing in the face of her father's gall, boiling her blood in a new way.

There was another piece of control to seize, staring her right in the face. She was to be promised to the Plumber? Well, they had another thing coming. Not only did she certainly not plan on fulfilling any promises her father had made, but she knew exactly how she wanted to express her 'gratitude' for her father's meddlesome intervention.

She was not daft. The lust in the oaf's eyes was apparent, the impressive outline of his cock silhouetted where it distorted the fabric of his loincloth. She glanced down at it, boiling blood, anger, and sadomasochistic madness stirring up her own excited. Impulsively, and with little more thought, she hooked her fingers into his spiked collar and jerked his face down to meet hers in a cruel kiss. Blood mingled on their bleeding lips, bruised and broken open from brawling as they were.

King Koopa's hissing gasp of confusion was muffled against her, her soft lips buffering the hardness of her jaw pressing into his.

He wasn't stupid. He knew what this was really about, and it wasn't him. Yet he did not put up a fight. Warning only briefly flashed in his mind before he returned the kiss eagerly. Desire clouded his better judgement, and he would allow himself to be used.

Peach bit hard at his lower lip, suckling at the bleeding cuts she'd inflicted on him, revelling in the coppery flavor she drew from it. He snarled against her, the fires of his need fanned by the sting of pain. Releasing him, she laid back, eyes dark and wild with mischief. "It's your lucky day, shell-brain. You're going to fuck me."

Shocked was not a look that suited Bowser, but shock is what registered on his face. A hundred thoughts raced through his head, but his mouth answered before he could sort them out. "Okay," he muttered.

With a rumble in his throat, he hooked a claw in the laces of her leggings and tore through them, making easy work of tugging the garment off of her. Peach removed her tunic herself, eagerly tugging the offending cloth over her head and casting it aside carelessly. When she was laid bare under him, he purred, a reptilian, clicking sound, unable to stop himself from stopping to admire her, bruises and all. His admiration gave way to doubt, and he scowled down at her, clawed fists clenching against the stoney floor.

"You going to stare at me, or are you going to actually do something?" she sneered at him.

"I...I don't think…" he grit his teeth, every rational thought in his brain now screaming in red alert.

"Don't think, you great, scaley ass. You want me, so come and get it. I said you can fuck me."

Self control wasn't really his thing, so employing it was taking more out of him than he even thought he had in him. Hell, a part of him was howling that he was an idiot, and he should be rutting into her like a rabbit in springtime, but he felt paralyzed by his...his feelings.

His father would have spit on him.

"I can't…" he growled, growing furious at the situation.

"What do you _mean_ you _can't_?" she was trembling in rage, eyes wide.

"I mean I can't!" he snarled, pushing off the ground to sit up in front of her.

" _Why the fuck not!?_ " she practically howled.

"You're hurt," he muttered defeatedly.

Scoffing, she pushed herself up, sitting on the cold stony floor across from him, unashamed at her own nudity. She spoke in a berating tone, "Shell-brain, I've been training as a warrior since I figured out there was such a thing when I was a girl. A little blood-"

Bowser clenched his fists, wondering if something was wrong with him, like his Da had said. Since when was he so damned soft? "Not that, you harpy!" he hissed, then in a more subdued voice, "You're...hurtin' inside. I think yer tryin' ta cover up a hurt with somethin' that ain't gonna sit right by ya. An' I...I don't wanna be responsible for hurtin' ya when you was down. Cause I think you're just down. It don't feel right, Peachy."

She was stunned into silence. For a moment, the fury on her face melted away into a look of pain. When the fury attempted to return, with it came the first tears he'd seen on her face. They were quickly wiped away as she stood, entirely nude, peering down at him with every scrap of dignity she could muster. "This is all your fault in the first place."

"I-" he started.

"No!" she hissed coolly. "I don't want to hear another word out of your ugly mouth. You caused this whole situation, then you couldn't even give me this. You find curious times to be gallant, you sulfer-mouthed snake!" She turned and stormed towards the door.

"I won't let them," Bowser stood hastily, calling after her. "I won't let them marry you off like that."

She stopped at the door, casting a look at him with such sorrow and dejection that it made his heart ache. "Says my _captor_. What a hero you are." Then she left, slamming the door behind her.

Bowser trembled in anger, moreso at himself than anything else. With a howl that belched flames from his maw, he struck his fist into the stone floor of his room, denting the floor with a loud CRACK.


End file.
